It’s easy to imagine that handshakes are the most common form of greeting worldwide. Yes, there are cultural exceptions, but if you’re doing business or even meeting new friends wherever you go, it’s highly likely that you’re going to engage with this centuries-old traditional gesture.

There are MANY factors that we could mention about handshakes. Who initiates the gesture, what your posture should be, eye contact, make sure that your hand isn’t moist (that’s why I ALWAYS advise you against having your right hand in your pocket – the left one might get a pass!), how ample the ‘shaking’, and so on.

For more than obvious reasons, handshakes are like Jiu-Jitsu: that’s not something that I can teach you online! but regardless of the limitations of my advice, there’s something that you should always, ALWAYS keep in mind:

Your handshake pressure should ALWAYS BE THE SAME, no matter the person you’re greeting, and no matter the pressure they’re applying themselves.

I know! It’s a bit counterintuitive in many ways. You’d think that ‘handshake etiquette’ would state that you should adapt to the other person’s hand pressure, but that is WRONG.

Why is it wrong to ‘adapt’? because some people will be the ‘limp fish’ kind and others will be the ‘bone crusher’ kind. At least I think that’s the way Allan Pease called them. But you get the idea – If someone gives you a lousy, limp handshake, never, ever try to mimic that lack of energy. It’s funny but even if the other person has a limp handshake, if you do the same they’d still think YOU are the one who has lack of energy and determination. Worse yet, lack of interest, which is the ultimate sin in any social interaction!

On the other hand, if you try to out-crush a bone-crushing handshake it will feel and look really awkward, especially if the other guy has 1) more grip power and 2) their hand is bigger than yours. Not a great plan!

You MUST be always ready to shake hands with the exact same pressure and, most important, embracing the other person’s hand as best as you can. That your hand ‘fits’ theirs like a glove, that’s something that you should always strive for.

So, if you’re shaking hands with a limper, you’ll basically hold their hand, lol. That’s ok. That’s the way to do it. If it’s a bone crusher, all you need to do is to hold your ground. Or your grip. You get the idea.

The best tip that I can give you to achieve this consistency is this one:

Always think of a handshake like a gesture that stems from your ELBOW and not from the wrist.

Why? because if we think of the handshake as a ‘hand/wrist’ gesture, it’s harder to keep an even pressure. But if you think of your hand, wrist and forearm as a single system, that nicely distributed pressure becomes way, way easier to attain. Just *think* of your hand, wrist and forearm when you’re about to give your hand. That will do the trick.

Much Love and Bliss,

Jesús.

The Body Language Guy